I saw on Facebook the other day an old friend of mine asking other women for tips on labor and delivery. It got me thinking about what I could not have lived without during my delivery and recovery. Michael and I signed up to take a birth and parenting class. The class was semi-helpful, but totally worth the $100...when they taught me this little nugget.
It's called the Undie Sundae, folks.
This gem is to sooth your aching lady bits after delivery...and trust me, they will be aching.
Your nurses can provide you with all of the necessary "toppings." You will need...
Sexy Mesh Underwear
(Unless you have a serious aversion to mesh underwear, I wouldn't wear your own because they WILL get ruined. I had a pair of Costco underwear that I hated more than anything in the world, and I designated them just for this purpose. I wanted them to die a horrible death.)
(The ultra-thick variety that they gave you in fourth grade. When you learned about about periods and arm-pit hair and stuff)
Witch Hazel Pads (Tucks)
(That's right, they're not just for hemorrhoids anymore. Trust me, it feels good.)
(This is a prescription steroidal foam that you can recieve in the hospital. It helped me with soreness and inflammation. Plus it causes a very...nice...warming sensation.)
Keep these things in your hospital bathroom, near the toilet.
When you use the restroom (which will be scary the first couple of times. Don't worry that's normal. Just wait until the first time you have to poop.) Use the perineal squirt bottle, do not wipe. I have a special place in my heart for that bottle. It saw me through some rough days.
Step One. (I am combining Step 1 and Step 2, because my computer is taking forever and Henry will be up soon.) Place the giant mattress pad in the mesh undies...on top of that stick the activated perineal ice pack. In the photo I substituted another pad in place of the ice pack.
Step 3. Place three Tucks Pads along the pad.
Step 4. Spray little dollops of Epifoam on top of the Tucks Pads.
Viola...that is the Undie Sundae. I would not have survived healing from a vaginal delivery without it.
I can say 12 weeks later, that my bits are back to normal and the reward for my pain was definitely worth it.
P.S. After describing to one of my non-mom friends the wonder of the Undie Sundae, she suffered a particularly nasty bikini wax.
Bam... Undie Sundae to the rescue.
**December 2012 Update**
I'm noticing that since the lovely invention of Pinterest, this blog entry is quite popular!
First of all, let me offer you my congratulations...You're gonna shoot out a human! And it will be awesome!
Since I wrote this over two years ago, I have suffered a second vaginal assault. Her name is Adeline, and she is six months old! Where does the time go!? I used this trusty method with my second birth and it worked just as well as I had remembered. Although I will warn you. Pregnancy can, and often does, fuck up your skin in all kinds of awesome ways. In my particular case, my skin became much more sensitive and prone to patches of eczema.
Fat and covered with eczema. If I'm being honest, not my best look...
This oversensitivity caused me to have a bit of an issue with the pads this time.
I don't mean to scare you, but it's the worst thing in the world. I was recently asked to write what I know about baby formula, you can check that out HERE.
And if you're unlucky enough to be potty training anytime soon, you can check out some encouraging words and tips HERE. :)
**May 2017 Update**
Wow, it has been a hot minute since I have checked in with you guys! Currently the littlest one you see pictured above is finishing up Kindergarten as we speak! Holy balls, I can't believe that, and my little Princessa will be joining the elementary school ranks next Fall as she begins Kindergarten. My blogging days are pretty slim, but I found that I am now obsessed with YOUTUBE!
I just made my own channel so come check it out and we will talk about everything from parenting to...lots of other things. I'll figure it out.
Come find me on YouTube at: World's Okayest Mom
Thanks for stopping by!