Tuesday, June 25, 2013

Panic at the Disco

Two days in a row!

Get a grip, Emily!

I don't even have anything good to say, but the kids are both sleeping at the same time.  So I figured I better not shut my eyes or the world may end. 

I thought I'd just write some nonsense on here instead of packing and having a panic attack. 

And seriously, yesterday got super weepy. And we just can't have that.

1.  We went to Target today. (What day don't we go to Target?) And I got a new planner!!!

(Yes, I am three exclamation points excited!!!)
It's the best day of the year!
Except I'll be really anal about writing in it at first, and I'll have to use white out if I mess up because I don't want to spoil my brand new pretty planner. 
While pulling out of Target we have to pass by Michael's...
Damn it all
And I saw these beauts on the sidewalk outside the store.  (Does anyone else ever wonder how they make sure people don't steal that stuff?)
These memory boxes were on sale...on the sidewalk.  Which would leave some to believe that they were crap (my husband), BUT I've been looking for just the thing! 
I needed something to put all of the kids' stuff in.  Things that I couldn't put in their baby book, but I can't throw away, like all of their birthday cards, candles and special things like that.  Hoarder stuff.
I picked out Addie's, obviously, it's adorable. 
And I let Henry pick out his. 
I was really pushing for a handsome navy stripe, with a herringbone lid, but let's be serious.  Giant Octopus is the trump card.
2.  I've been having a terrible time lately.  (duh.)
But it's not what you think. 
Addie is still a crawler.  (I didn't really have the highest hopes knowing our children's track record with walking.  I'll start to worry in nine months.) 
Having a crawler and going to the park sucks.  It really sucks. 
It's hot so you want to put them in shorts, but then their little knees get all scraped up by the cement and wood chips.  And then they eat the wood chips. 
It's a disaster.
But, mostly because I'm a cheapskate, I was trying to shoehorn Adeline into an old pair of pants, when I discovered something amazing.
All of her nine month pants will fit, except now they are adorable capri pants!!!  (Again, note my excitement!!!) 
(I know the high capri pant is a little dated, but we're going to cut her a break because she's one.  I have hopes that her twelve month stuff will be ankle length by the end of the summer.  Very chic and on trend.)
I got distracted.  My point is that the capris are cooler, but also protect her knees.  Sold.
3.  When we were at Target (see #1) I decided I really want a label maker.  I've wanted one for some time now, but it's always been something I never bought because well, who buys label makers. 
But now I need one.  I want one.  I must have one.
So when we move, and I have died from anxiety, everything will be exquisitely labeled for Michael.
4.  Addie is cutting her two front teeth and she's mean.  She whines.  She's not very fun to be around.  Even medicated.  But there is one thing that makes her happy.

This old, nasty ass washcloth. It is actually clean.  It's just that disgusting looking.
I can't pry it out of her hands.  I don't want to pry it out of her hands because if there's nothing in her mouth she's crying. 
So it travels. 
And I look like a negligent mother.  Letting my daughter chew on garbage. 
But, it makes her happy.  So what can you do.
5.  Trying to sell our house is making me an angry person.  (Angrier than normal.)
A very clean, angry person.
I have prayed.  I have buried statues.  I have sacrificed animals.
Not really.
Seriously.  Don't tell me how great my house is and then not buy it.  
You're like that dick in college, 
"I think you're really great, let's go out sometime!" 
"Just kidding, you're gross." 
I feel like I'm going to cut somebody.
6.  Addie's first birthday was last week!  Wheeee :)
She's one year closer to making her own sandwiches and hating six o'clock in the morning.
We ate cupcakes and opened presents.  And mommy took pictures.
And then mommy realized she took everything with the camera set on black and white.
And then mommy cried.  And we had to restage the birthday a few days later and get new pictures.
(Don't get me wrong, I love a black and white photo as much as the next guy.  But the best part was the pink frosting all over her face.  Total mom fuck up.)
So now her brother thinks she has two birthdays.
Birthday #1

Birthday #2
And mommy's nervous breakdown was postponed another week.
(She's totally cute enough to deserve two birthdays.)
7.  We bathe Henry and Addie at the same time. 
We used to bathe them separately but Henry always went first and then Addie had his left over bath water and it all felt a little, "poor Cinderella in her brother's dirty bathwater." So now we dump them in all at once and let them stew in each other's filth.
Addie is a curious one year old.  The other night she lunged over and grabbed Henry's wiener.
Henry:  NO SISSY!!  Mommy, Sissy Addie just grabbed my wiener!
Me:  I'm sorry Henry.  Addie didn't know what she was doing.  It's not okay for her to touch your wiener.  You are the only person that is supposed to touch your wiener. 
And then it felt like an after school special. 
When do you start bathing your boy and girl separately?
8.  Someone asked me if I'm nervous about what people think about me because of how I write.  Especially how I write about motherhood.
You know, sometimes I see someone with their new baby and I think to myself, "Now, there is a natural.  A born mommy." 
She doesn't mind being up at 11 pm, and then 1:30 am, and then 4 am.  And then up for good at 6.  You can tell it doesn't even phase her.  It's just more time to snuggle.

Well.  I hated being up at 11 pm, 1:30 am, and 4 am.  And I especially hated, and still do really, really hate 6:00 am.
But I still love being a mother. 
My kids are everything to me. 
I started this blog because I was spending inordinate amounts of time at home staring at a two month old and a breast pump.  And it sucked.  I would look around and think, "Is this supposed to get awesome soon?"  Because this isn't awesome.  I loved Henry more than anything in the world, but it was a gigantic change.  Life was suddenly completely different, and it was hard for me. 
I just felt like somehow I was missing something that other moms had.  I couldn't relate to these other perfect 'natural born mommies.'
I just wanted to talk about being a parent in a real way.  And I wouldn't have ever dreamed that people would respond the way they have.  When I get a comment and someone I don't even know says, "Wow, that is exactly how I feel.  Thank you so much!"  It makes me happy, not because I wrote it, but because someone read exactly what they needed to hear at exactly the right time, and hopefully it made them feel less alone.
I feel like there are plenty of people out there for whom parenthood was an...adjustment.  That doesn't mean they are bad parents.  It doesn't mean they love their babies less.  They are great parents. 
I'm sure there are tons, TONS of people that can't stand me.  And that is totally finePerfectly understandable.  There are some people I don't really like.  But that is what is so great about adulthood; I don't care anymore what people think about me. 
The people that matter to me know who I am. 
I write what I write because it's how I feel, and I hope that there is some mother out there in her sweatpants with a two week old that finds my blog just in time.  Just when she starts to feel really bad about herself because she is miserable and she thinks that makes her a bad mother.
You are a fantastic mother.  You are not the only person that has ever felt this way.  It will get better.  Being up in the middle of the night is terrible.  Cut yourself some slack.
So no, long story short, I don't feel nervous.


  1. I love everything about your blog. I found it two days ago and I keep going "back in time" to read old posts. As I lie here in the dark with my kindle trying to get my 3 year old to sleep (and my husband does the same with our 1year old), I am making the bed shake from laughing so hard. And so...she's still awake! FAIL!

    1. Thank you, thank you, thank you!!!!

  2. You are an awesome mom and a great friend. I am going to miss you! ETness

    1. I will miss you very, very much, my "E". Thanks for talking me off the ledge way more times than should ever be necessary in a friendship. Although many of those talks were due to WSSU :) Thank goodness for phones and Facebook, I'll never lose track of you!! :)

  3. love your blog.. the way you feel is exactly how I felt with my one and only daughter Ruby. I'm so glad to hear I am not the only one.

  4. I read your undie sundae post thanks to your share on Preggo and had to read more. This one made me laugh out loud, which is exactly what I needed after spending the morning with 3 crazy littles. Delightful and so true. You are not alone and I'm happy to read that I am not alone either. We mommas need that. On a side note, I don't know when you're supposed to bath boys and girls separately but I will continue to support it as long as possible because the conversations my 5 and 3 year old have while my husband baths them are just too funny. I listen from the other room in fits of giggles. It's one of those parenting moments that seems completely normal if you're in it and complete ridiculous later (or from the other room). Lex: "Daddy, look I have boo-boos!" To provide the appropriate nipple terminology or to just go with it...ah, the many joys of parenting! Thanks for writing!

  5. OMG! I just happened to stumble upon this post. I am 10 weeks pregnant and no one understands why I'm not head-over-heals excited. This pregnancy wasn't planned, but it wasn't unplanned either, it kind of just happened... I feel like there is so many other things going on in my life (like my 3 month old marriage and my first year teaching) that deserve the same amount or more attention then the blob inside me at this point. I keep wondering if people think I'm a horrible mom/person because I'm not shouting my pregnancy from the rooftops or running out to the mall to buy elastic waist banded pants and incredibly over priced newborn clothing that might be worn once. Long rant short, thanks for being real.

  6. I feel like you're my spirit animal. I've been reading your blog for an hour and a half and I can't believe how..I dunno...reassuring, I guess, it has been. It's nice to have some blunt honesty about how wonderful and bat-shit crazy it is to start a family. Very refreshing. Other mom-blogs I've skimmed make me feel like because my 2 year old's hair isn't always brushed or I don't make her alphabetize her flipping bookshelf that I'm not doing it right. It's nice to know there are other non-Stepfords out there :)

  7. Thank you so much for your honesty. I really needed to read this right now.

  8. I have a confession to make: I am not a mom. I don't know how I ended up on your blog at 6am, but I am glad I did. I, too, am a NICU nurse, and I am also a newlywed. You can imagine the constant barrage of "When are you going to have kids?" and "You're going to be such a good mom." To which my response is, "Just because I can take care of sick babies doesn't mean I'll be a good mom." I'm terrified of having kids because I don't know what to do after they are 6 weeks old. And that is the easy part. Potty training? PTA? Shaping children into productive, moral members of society? It is intimidating. I think I'm missing the mom gene because I'm 32 and don't feel the slightest desire to grow a human. And I'm worried that when I bring forth my spawn, I'll feel like you have described, and I'll remember that I'm not a bad person just because I like to sleep and feel sane. Even now, I'm not a bad person because I don't have a nursery theme or baby name picked out. Thanks for reminding me of that.

    P.S. You're effing hilarious.