Panic at the Disco

Two days in a row!

Get a grip, Emily!

I don't even have anything good to say, but the kids are both sleeping at the same time.  So I figured I better not shut my eyes or the world may end. 

I thought I'd just write some nonsense on here instead of packing and having a panic attack. 

And seriously, yesterday got super weepy. And we just can't have that.

1.  We went to Target today. (What day don't we go to Target?) And I got a new planner!!!



(Yes, I am three exclamation points excited!!!)

 

It's the best day of the year!

 

Except I'll be really anal about writing in it at first, and I'll have to use white out if I mess up because I don't want to spoil my brand new pretty planner. 

 

While pulling out of Target we have to pass by Michael's...

 

Damn it all. 

 

And I saw these beauts on the sidewalk outside the store.  (Does anyone else ever wonder how they make sure people don't steal that stuff?)

 

 

These memory boxes were on sale...on the sidewalk.  Which would leave some to believe that they were crap (my husband), BUT I've been looking for just the thing! 

 

I needed something to put all of the kids' stuff in.  Things that I couldn't put in their baby book, but I can't throw away, like all of their birthday cards, candles and special things like that.  Hoarder stuff.

 

I picked out Addie's, obviously, it's adorable. 

 

And I let Henry pick out his. 

 

Awesome.

 

I was really pushing for a handsome navy stripe, with a herringbone lid, but let's be serious.  Giant Octopus is the trump card.

 

2.  I've been having a terrible time lately.  (duh.)

 

But it's not what you think. 

 

Addie is still a crawler.  (I didn't really have the highest hopes knowing our children's track record with walking.  I'll start to worry in nine months.) 

 

Having a crawler and going to the park sucks.  It really sucks. 

 

It's hot so you want to put them in shorts, but then their little knees get all scraped up by the cement and wood chips.  And then they eat the wood chips. 

 

It's a disaster.

 

But, mostly because I'm a cheapskate, I was trying to shoehorn Adeline into an old pair of pants, when I discovered something amazing.

 

All of her nine month pants will fit, except now they are adorable capri pants!!!  (Again, note my excitement!!!) 

 

(I know the high capri pant is a little dated, but we're going to cut her a break because she's one.  I have hopes that her twelve month stuff will be ankle length by the end of the summer.  Very chic and on trend.)

 

I got distracted.  My point is that the capris are cooler, but also protect her knees.  Sold.

 

3.  When we were at Target (see #1) I decided I really want a label maker.  I've wanted one for some time now, but it's always been something I never bought because well, who buys label makers. 

 

But now I need one.  I want one.  I must have one.

 

So when we move, and I have died from anxiety, everything will be exquisitely labeled for Michael.

 

4.  Addie is cutting her two front teeth and she's mean.  She whines.  She's not very fun to be around.  Even medicated.  But there is one thing that makes her happy.

 



 

This old, nasty ass washcloth. It is actually clean.  It's just that disgusting looking.

 

I can't pry it out of her hands.  I don't want to pry it out of her hands because if there's nothing in her mouth she's crying. 

 

So it travels. 

 

And I look like a negligent mother.  Letting my daughter chew on garbage. 

 

But, it makes her happy.  So what can you do.

 

5.  Trying to sell our house is making me an angry person.  (Angrier than normal.)

 

A very clean, angry person.

 

I have prayed.  I have buried statues.  I have sacrificed animals.

 

Not really.

 

Seriously.  Don't tell me how great my house is and then not buy it.  

 

You're like that dick in college, 

 

"I think you're really great, let's go out sometime!" 

 

"Just kidding, you're gross." 

 

I feel like I'm going to cut somebody.

 

6.  Addie's first birthday was last week!  Wheeee :)

 

She's one year closer to making her own sandwiches and hating six o'clock in the morning.

 

We ate cupcakes and opened presents.  And mommy took pictures.

 

And then mommy realized she took everything with the camera set on black and white.

 

And then mommy cried.  And we had to restage the birthday a few days later and get new pictures.

 

(Don't get me wrong, I love a black and white photo as much as the next guy.  But the best part was the pink frosting all over her face.  Total mom fuck up.)

 

So now her brother thinks she has two birthdays.

 

 

Birthday #1

 

Birthday #2

 

And mommy's nervous breakdown was postponed another week.

 

(She's totally cute enough to deserve two birthdays.)

 

7.  We bathe Henry and Addie at the same time. 

 

We used to bathe them separately but Henry always went first and then Addie had his left over bath water and it all felt a little, "poor Cinderella in her brother's dirty bathwater." So now we dump them in all at once and let them stew in each other's filth.

 

Addie is a curious one year old.  The other night she lunged over and grabbed Henry's wiener.

 

Henry:  NO SISSY!!  Mommy, Sissy Addie just grabbed my wiener!

 

Me:  I'm sorry Henry.  Addie didn't know what she was doing.  It's not okay for her to touch your wiener.  You are the only person that is supposed to touch your wiener. 

 

And then it felt like an after school special. 

 

When do you start bathing your boy and girl separately?

 

8.  Someone asked me if I'm nervous about what people think about me because of how I write.  Especially how I write about motherhood.

 

You know, sometimes I see someone with their new baby and I think to myself, "Now, there is a natural.  A born mommy." 

 

She doesn't mind being up at 11 pm, and then 1:30 am, and then 4 am.  And then up for good at 6.  You can tell it doesn't even phase her.  It's just more time to snuggle.

Well.  I hated being up at 11 pm, 1:30 am, and 4 am.  And I especially hated, and still do really, really hate 6:00 am.

 

But I still love being a mother. 

 

My kids are everything to me. 

 

I started this blog because I was spending inordinate amounts of time at home staring at a two month old and a breast pump.  And it sucked.  I would look around and think, "Is this supposed to get awesome soon?"  Because this isn't awesome.  I loved Henry more than anything in the world, but it was a gigantic change.  Life was suddenly completely different, and it was hard for me. 

 

I just felt like somehow I was missing something that other moms had.  I couldn't relate to these other perfect 'natural born mommies.'

 

I just wanted to talk about being a parent in a real way.  And I wouldn't have ever dreamed that people would respond the way they have.  When I get a comment and someone I don't even know says, "Wow, that is exactly how I feel.  Thank you so much!"  It makes me happy, not because I wrote it, but because someone read exactly what they needed to hear at exactly the right time, and hopefully it made them feel less alone.

 

I feel like there are plenty of people out there for whom parenthood was an...adjustment.  That doesn't mean they are bad parents.  It doesn't mean they love their babies less.  They are great parents. 

 

I'm sure there are tons, TONS of people that can't stand me.  And that is totally fine.  Perfectly understandable.  There are some people I don't really like.  But that is what is so great about adulthood; I don't care anymore what people think about me. 

 

The people that matter to me know who I am. 

 

I write what I write because it's how I feel, and I hope that there is some mother out there in her sweatpants with a two week old that finds my blog just in time.  Just when she starts to feel really bad about herself because she is miserable and she thinks that makes her a bad mother.

 

You are a fantastic mother.  You are not the only person that has ever felt this way.  It will get better.  Being up in the middle of the night is terrible.  Cut yourself some slack.

 

So no, long story short, I don't feel nervous.