Thursday, February 3, 2011

Bad Momitude

As a parent I think it's pretty natural to question the job you're doing.

Am I good enough?  Do I play with Henry enough?  Does he know how much I love him?  Am I doing everything I can for him?

Catch me on a good day and I'll tell you, Yes.

 I think I am doing a pretty good job.

Catch me on a bad day and I'll just direct you downstairs to where I left Henry, "playing sandbox" in Fatty and Skinny's shitter.

Just kidding.  I would never do that!

I would at least make him scoop it before I let him play in it...

I think I am doing a pretty good job with Henry. 

Well, if I'm not at least he knows I love him from the frequency with which I slobber all over his face and nibble his toes.

Don't look at me like that.  He likes it. 

Sometimes when I have a bad momitude and I'm really questioning myself, I just think of how many stupid people there are in the world.

I mean, there are a LOT of stupid people.  Many of these stupid people have spawned.

1.  Britney Spears.


Not just once, but twice!

She has two children.  Who are alive.  Against all odds. 

She goes barefoot in gas station bathrooms...

If that doesn't make you believe that kids must be resilient, I don't know what will.

2.  Kate Gosselin.


There is a whole lotta crazy under those extensions.  And she's kept 8 children alive. 

Well...her nannies have. 

3.  Courtney Love.


I think the picture really says it all.

4.  Dina Lohan


The depth of this mothering ineptitude is staggering. 

I can't even make fun of her because it's just sad.

I think we all know how that one is going to play out.

5.  Michael Jackson


Three times.

Prince.  Paris.  Blanket.

Yep. 

Can't you just feel your parenting confidence starting to soar.

6.  Last, but SO not least...

The Stewart Family.



Michael and I caught this gem on Wife Swap.

(With out fail, Wife Swap will revive your parenting confidence like an adrenaline shot to the heart.)

With a firm belief that the Mayans know their stuff, these 'Parents of the Year' believe the world will end in 2012.  So it only made sense to relocate their entire family to a remote area of the Midwest.

(Grrreat. Just what the Midwest needs to help its image.)

You can find them out on the farm, training their children in survival skills and performing hazmat drills with the little ones.  Because of course you've got to be able to get your suit on before the alien bugs can infiltrate your brain.

These children may not be able to spell rabbit, but rest assured they can skin one and grill it up for you!

When they take a break from woodland foraging lessons, you can find them in town...

Buying everything they need on credit, and No payment-No Interest 'till 2012 plans. 

Man, they sure have outsmarted the system.

There are four children in that photo.  The combined brain trust of Dawn and Grover (mom and dad) have managed to keep four children alive. 

The mind boggles.

So when I'm feeling more 'Peg Bundy' than 'Carol Brady', I just think of these people.

I can't be that bad.

2 comments:

  1. Haha You know Wife swap is fake. I know this family they are really good parents they have 7 kids most adopted threw foster care and are nothing like the show portrayed. They even won awards for being great parents who help kids in need. They are all about there kids and yes they hunt but everyone in the area does. There kids all go to school and make good grades and none of the kids skin rabbits. So dont judge a family based on a few mins you see on a TV show all TV is fake and scripted even the news.

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  2. How stupid do they feel now? Or have they concocted another apocalyptic event?! I can imagine them now during the 'polar vortex' freaking out like Muppets!

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