"Are you on a diet?"
I can trace back the last 12 years of my life in diets. It's a gift.
In high school it was mostly about deprivation. Some people may have called it 'anorexia', but I find that term to be very harsh and a slight exaggeration. It always makes me picture Portia de Rossi circa 1999...
I called it 'being diligent'.
Anyhow, it involved a lot of pretzels.
In college I had an affair with Dr. Atkins.
(Anyone else a little confused by their logo...this came from the official website!!??
Sweet. Sexy. Science. What?)
Most people order pizza when they get home from the bars. I ate turkey and cheese slices with ranch dressing.
Ranch dressing only has 1 carb per serving.
Bettcha didn't know that.
But still. Gross!
Can you believe I didn't lose any weight!? I know, it's a shocker.
Towards the end of college...when I got fat-fat, I tried keeping food diaries, but we've been over how that works for me.
I would always use up my calories by dinner time, so I would carry over my calories from dinner and subtract them from the next day. I know, I know. It's a twisted kind of logic.
So you can see how that would be a vicious cycle, and by the end of the week I would be taking calories from some meal I was going to eat 3 weeks in the future.
Also unsuccessful. Are you sensing a pattern!?
So then I actually made an audition video to get on The Biggest Loser (back when they had semi-normal people, and not just 700 pound couples), and I almost made it.
But the producers deemed me 'not fat enough'. Probably for the best. They would have eaten me alive. No pun intended.
They would have booted me in the first week.
So that left your average co-ed, not fat enough to be considered fat. But not thin enough to be considered hot on the average college campus.
What to do?
The answer had to be Slim Fast.
I would find my inner thin girl with two shakes a day and a sensible dinner.
What they don't tell you is that you can't decide you're still hungry after your shake and have a hot dog.
What's up next. Weight Watchers. I did that one too!
That one actually worked! I adored going to the meetings. I know I'm weird. It was like AA for fat people.
I probably lost around 10 pounds. Which brought me into a healthy weight range for my height.
I still played around with the points though, and would end up borrowing points from the next day.
What is my deal!?
So that brings us to probably 2005/2006.
I hovered around 160 for a few years.
Then I fell in love with running and lost 10 pounds.
I guess that brings us to the last 3 years, which I've spent with Michael.
And I've been happy.
Add Henderson to the mix, and I've been really happy. (Despite all of my bitching and moaning).
I don't have to hide my bad food habits. I don't have to hide my bingey moments. I don't have to pretend to be something I'm not. Someone I'm not.
The number can move. Or it can stay where it is. I know two people who won't run away from me at the beach. No matter how fat my ass is. The idea of being around for them as long as I can is really my only motivation to move the number anyway.
I'm not on a diet, I've already been on them all.