Monday, January 3, 2011

The Ace Crazy Lady

Happy New Year!

Mine was pretty quiet and uneventful, how about y'all?

Had dinner with friends on Saturday night, went home at 8:00 because Henry needed to eat and go to bed.  And I had to work the next day.  God, that is depressing.  Somebody tell me when we get to start having fun again.

Not that Henry isn't fun...you know what I mean.

Damn, now you think I'm a horrible person.

I have just been in a mood lately...anybody else?

Bueller, Bueller...

Oh, it's just me...okay.

Enough about my moody ass.  Henry had his 4 month check up today!  I showed up with my neurotic mother's list of questions for the good doctor...


Yes, your eyes have not fooled you.  It DOES say 'penis'...right under, 'neck rash'.

Being a nurse, I actually see penises quite frequently, but I know little about them.  Apart from their reproductive value.  Seeing as how I don't tote one around, I never know if I am adequately cleaning it...or am I cleaning it too much?  Am I just supposed to leave it be.  Give it a quick swipe?  I never know...

May I say thank you too all the great peeps that left me messages telling me how much money we could save by switching to generic formula.  I trust you all implicitly, but added that question to the list as well.  I guess I just wanted to hear from the doctor that it wasn't made on the cheap out of ground up beaver spleens and insect wings.

He assured me it is not.  And Henry would be just fine if we went the more economical route. 

We escaped the doctor's office relatively unscathed.  Henny did have to get two shots, but he took it like a man.  I double checked that I was leaving with the correct baby before we left. 

Three other babies were being hefted around in our same car seat...the Chicco Cortina KeyFit Travel System in Discovery.  I was afraid I would get home to find this baby staring up at me.


Completely adorable...but clearly doesn't belong to me.  

We also had to run to Ace Hardware to make a return for Michael.  As I was waiting in line at the register I was assaulted.  I was verbally assaulted by a crazy woman, who was crazy.

CL (crazy lady) - "Wow, how old is your baby!?"

E - "Four months" (Me excited, loving to talk to strangers about my little man-baby.)

CL - "He is really big." (Horrified face.)

E- "Haha, yeah he doesn't miss many meals." (Trying to keep it light.)

CL - "No, I mean he is really big.  How much does he weigh?"

E - "Umm...16 pounds and 14 ounces." (Trying to figure out why this lady is looking at me like I am turning my baby into an obese freak.)

CL - "My baby didn't weigh that until she was one.  I just can't believe how big he is!"

E - "Thanks, nice talking to you."

Wow, take a hint crazy...let it drop.  You can't just come up and judge me like that.  Like I am some horrible parent because my baby is bigger than yours.  He is in the 86th percentile, thank you very much.  He is perfect.  I'm sorry you have a fragile waif baby.  Take your 34th baby, who is currently screaming its balls off, and leave me alone.

I should have said, "Wow, your ass is really big.  I mean really big.  My ass didn't get that huge until I was in college and started eating pizza at 3 am....I mean I just can't get over how enormous it is."

See how she likes it?









2 comments:

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  2. What a nut case?! The post is hilarious, but the lady really pisses me off! People are so stupid.

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