Thursday, January 13, 2011

Fortune Cookies and Baby Socks

I believe there are some mysteries of the universe that can not be denied. Like Big Foot or interstate weigh stations...have you ever seen one open?

1.  Baby radar.  Babies instinctively know when you are trying to rest.  They could be in the deepest, soundest, most peaceful slumber and as soon as one hair on your unwashed head brushes the pillow.


This especially applies to the day time nap.  Don't you even dare try and sleep when they sleep.  They know what you're trying to do.  Oh trust me, they know. 

If babies weren't cute they would be kind of creepy.  I've thought this for some time, actually.

2.  Baby socks.  Baby socks are like umbrellas or sunglasses.  You just can't seem to keep a hold of them.  They have a life of their own and so disappear and reappear so frequently you never really know if you are missing any.  This is one mystery I sort of like.  They show up in the darndest of places.  It's like Christmas or your birthday when you stumble across a missing mate. 

Don't even try to put them in the wash in one of those mesh bags to keep them all together.  That just makes them angry.  True story.

Two of the latest migrants.
(How appropriate, one of them is Oscar the Grouch.  Huh, I didn't even plan that.)

And last, but certainly not least.  And the entire reason I wrote this entry:

3.  Fortune Cookies.  I believe we are all seduced by the power of the fortune cookie.  They taste like shit.  No one really wants to eat them...and 99 times out of 100 the fortune sucks.  It's not even a real fortune. 

"You bring smiles to the people you meet."

"Good luck is the result of good planning."

Excuse me.  Fortune cookie hacks....those suck. 

And I don't need to know how to say 'Bee hive' in Chinese.  But thanks.

Give me something I can use.  Like:

"Wear thick socks, the heater in your car will go out tomorrow."

"You will trip and break your ankle next Tuesday. Get a pedicure."

"Buy toilet paper.  You will run out in the middle of the night and have to use one of your baby's diapers."

Those are fortunes.  Something concrete.  In the future.  That I can make plans around. 

Is that too much to ask out of a free Chinese food add-on?

I don't think so.

That's why I was pleasantly surprised one night, in April of 2008, when I cracked open my stale, crusty poop cookie and got this beauty:

Michael and I were in the midst of planning a move across the country.  Together.  After two months of dating.

Crazy. Probably.

But we had the Chinese Fortune Cookie Gods on our side. 

So, I'm going to pick up some Chinese food tonight.  Maybe my poop cookie will have something good in store for me again. 

"Your husband will be home earlier than expected, you won't punt your cats across the room in the night and your baby will sleep for 12 hours."

It could happen.

1 comment:

  1. My best "Fortune" Cookie said "The most important thing in life is Love." I got it about two hours before my brother's first round of chemo started. It was totally right. But you are correct: they don't taste very good usually.