I would like to thank everyone who said that Henry would probably just sleep on the plane.
It was highly erroneous, but made me much calmer starting out on this journey.
It is nearly impossible to keep an infant occupied and pleasant in a one square foot area...for 3 hours. Apparently Henry is just like his mom and can't sleep on airplanes.
Make that half a square foot. Both of the passengers in front of us felt the need to keep their seats permanently reclined.
I had to pee so bad my eye balls were floating, it was so hot in the back of the plane if felt like we were sitting on the sun. Henry was soooo over it. Enter Emily melt-down mode.
"Michael, I can't handle this. I have to pee. Let me get in line. OHmygosh, I'm so hot. It's like I'm melting. Why can't these assholes put their seats up. Does everyone on the entire plane need to pee...really. Henry needs to sleep. I can't even believe he is not sleeping right now. I have never seen him this tired. How long do we have left. Ohmygosh, I'm melting. How can it be so fricking hot. My arm is asleep. Maybe we can lay Henry across our tray tables. That lady just looked at me, if she says something I'm going to freak. I'm so hot. Oh Lord, the bathroom line is so long. I know that guy is going in there to shit. I am NOT going in after him. I'm going to pee myself. I can't do this...Michael!!"
Etc. Etc. Etc.
As we were exiting the aircraft the flight attendant commented on what a good boy Henry had been. It was then that I realized, every noise and grunt that Henry made was amplified times 100 in my mind and no one else even noticed that he was on the plane. I'll try to keep this in mind next time, but I can make no guarantees.
In related freak-out news. All pregnant women take note:
Post baby menstrual cycles are not immediately regular. I repeat, NOT regular.
Do not freak out.
'Cause I freaked the eff out.