The Great Flange Burning

I'm finally almost done...with the breast pump.

The angels are singing and God light is shining down on our house right now. 

I have been pumping and giving Henry my milk in a bottle since the whole breastfeeding thing was a disaster.  Everything was hunky dory (besides being chained to it) until I realized that I could not only feed Henry but also every other baby in a 5 mile radius.  I would pump and give him milk and still have ounces upon ounces to freeze.  There isn't another instance in life that I can think being an "over producer" would be a bad thing.  Being productive is generally considered to be a good state to be in...no.  Not when it comes to breast milk. 

What a fracking hell it was.

Mastitis...antibiotics...ductal yeast infection....mastitis...antibiotics...ductal yeast infection.  You get the idea. 

Quadruple ouch.

Weaning off of the pump has been a very long process...You can't just quit.  They don't tell you that. Even when I don't want to pump anymore.  My boobs still make milk.  Damn it. 

I needed to wean because I go back to work at the end of this week and pumping just isn't realistic.  Among other reasons. 

It is nearly impossible to get out of the house when you have to time the smallest errand between when Henry is fed, changed, happy, I've pumped and we've loaded up the car, etc. You are left with a 15 minute window before you have to start the whole process over again.  Someone give me a gun.  Even though I'm only going back to work two days a week, I barely have time to take a 30 second pee break...let alone a 15 minute pumping break (2 or three times in a 12 hour shift.)  My unit is full of very sick individuals.  I love my patients...I don't want to jeopardize their care anymore than I have to.  Excuse me, don't die right now...I have to go pump.

We still have about a month or more of frozen milk for Henry...of course that is supplementing with formula as well.  I feel like I've done what I could do.  I'm done feeling guilty about it.  If you are a soon to be mom, please do not beat yourself up about making decisions that benefit you.  You are the mom...A baby needs a happy mom just as much as anything else.  A happy mom/wife=happy life. I firmly believe this.

Besides, if I have to wash and sterilize another breast pump flange...I'm going to lose it.  Commit me. 

My breast pump has been great (especially using it 6-8 times a day for weeks on end).  The Ameda Purely Yours Ultra...if you're interested.  So I will fight the urge to throw it from a second story window and blissfully watch it smash into a zillion pieces.  I will not start a bon fire and happily watch the plastic flanges melt down into puddles.

I shudder to think this...but we may need it again someday.  Oye.