Tuesday, November 16, 2010

Ruffles out, Dan!

Whenever I change Henry's diaper, I always think to myself, "Ruffles OUT, Dan!"  I just picture Jim Carey in Ace Ventura Pet Detective (I HATE that movie) yelling, "Laces OUT, Dan!"

One of the things I learned as a new mom was that the diaper ruffles have to be out.  They can't be tucked in...poop will go everywhere.  I know it really shouldn't have taken me as long as it did to pick this up.  I am an only child...I was never around babies. Except when I was babysitting and then I was probably just counting the minutes until the kids went to bed so I could just sit on the couch and watch TV. 

New moms learn several things very quickly...

-Never wake a sleeping baby.  You will regret it...no matter what.

-Boys WILL pee on you...and the wall and anything else in spraying distance.  Duck and cover.

-Babies don't need daily bathes.  Its only cute the first couple of times...then its sort of a pain. Dragging out the baby tub and baby wash and baby cream.  Once every couple of days will do ya.

-Put a pad on everything...even things you can't imagine them being able to poop on.  Henry could have 5 pairs of pants and a snow suit on and he would still manage to poop on his swing.  Disassembling and wrangling that thing off, washing it and reassembling it requires a PhD.

-You don't need to turn the baby monitor on.  Especially if their room is right next to yours.  There is NO way you are going to stay asleep if they wake up.

-Babies are noisy.  See above.

-Do whatever you can to sleep.  Once Henry fell asleep on his changing table when I was changing his diaper; we have one of those pads with the big dip in the middle.  He was probably 5 weeks old, and I'm not going to  lie to you...I strapped him in, covered him up and got a good hour nap in.  He wasn't going anywhere.  Please don't send child services to my house.

-Now you can talk to yourself out loud at the grocery store, mall, etc. and not look psychotic.  Everyone thinks you're talking to your baby.

-I don't have all the answers...I never will.  Henry thinks I do though.  He thinks I am pretty great.


  1. Jenny Beecher (Walters)November 16, 2010 at 9:08 AM

    I love your new mom, blog, Emily! I'm due in February and when I saw you post this on Facebook, I read it right away! I've been bad about reading baby books, but I gobble up any advice from peers with their newborns. Keep writing! I'll be taking notes :)

  2. Oh Em,I love you! I always knew you would be a great mom! You are doing a great job and I can hardly wait to meet Henry!!