Friday, December 17, 2010

I'm NOT Going!

I am not leaving the house for 3 weeks.

I absolutely refuse.  There is nothing that you can say.

All I wanted to do was run to Babies R Us to get my man-baby a new winter-weight sleep sack in a larger size.  Using the term 'running' somewhere would lend one to believe that it was to be a quick, painless errand.  There was no 'running' to be had today.  The streets were full.  Bumper-to-bumper.  With idiots. 

Absolute flipping moronic numb-nuts.

I am not a patient person.  I inherited this lovely trait...or lack there of, from my father.

So inching along at a snail's pace for 2 miles would be awful in any situation.  But with both my father and I in said inching vehicle the situation goes from bad to....catastrophic.  There is no other word for it.

To be honest, that is not fair to him...he actually kept his head. 

I on the other hand...did not. I lost it. 

I can only liken it to man's transformation into a sweaty, wolf-like beast upon the rise of the full moon.

My eyes glaze over and become wild with rage.  My normally mild-mannered personality gone faster than a teenager stealing condoms from Walmart.

I become mean, like really mean.  I yell and I honk.

By the way, if horns were not to be used they would not be installed in vehicles.  So I use mine...often.

And not just a polite little 'lookyoudidn'tnoticethegreenlighttoottoot'

I lean on that bitch.  HOOOOOOOOOOOOnk.  Move your ass idiot.

So I apologize in advance if you get honked at this holiday season and you look over and see me behind the wheel of my little sharpened fangs dripping with the blood of fellow motorists.

It's not you, it's me.

1 comment:

  1. You are absolutely awesome. I hope you will start blogging again soon!!!